I have recently made a very astonishing discovery. For my entire life, I never understood what hunger felt like.
That’s not to say that I never felt hungry. Just that I didn’t understand what it meant.
I’ve always been drawn to concepts like intentional eating and intuitive eating. The idea that our bodies know exactly what they need in order to be healthy, that we just need to listen to them. So simple.
However, I found out that listening to the things my body says doesn’t really do much good when I don’t know how to interpret its language. And sadly, I was so sure I was fluent that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t comprehending. If anyone should be an expert in my body’s vocabulary, it should be me, right? I’ve spend almost 40 years learning it.
But somehow, long ago, I got some meanings mixed up. At some point I’d come to believe that most of the uncomfortable sensations in my torso were expressions of hunger. So, anytime my body made a peep, I gave it food, and thought I was taking good care of myself by satisfying a biological necessity.
I now see it like a child was coming to me, tapping my shoulders, asking for my attention. And each time they wanted something different, like maybe love, or understanding, or a laugh. And each time I responded by giving them a cookie.
Of course the child wanted the cookie, who doesn’t? So, they accepted the food, went away, and I thought I’d solved the problem. When really, the child still had unmet needs. They’d just been distracted for awhile.
There’s a feeling I get in my chest that I always thought was hunger. It’s definitely uncomfortable, and when I eat enough food, it seems to go away. So, I guess it’s easy to see why I made the faulty translation, probably when I was a kid. Maybe it happened when I was upset for one reason or another and my parents gave me food to pacify me. It’s hard to say when it started. Just that I was so sure I knew what my body was saying. And this whole time, I was wrong.
I now know that hunger for food, for me, only happens in my stomach. It’s not in my chest. Hunger for food can only be satisfied by consuming something to fuel my body. This feeling in my chest, sometimes it means I’m thirsty, and it goes away when I drink water. And sometimes, if I pay attention to it, sit with it quietly, feel what it wants me to feel, it eventually dissolves on its own.
It’s been so fascinating to re-learn this language. It’s like discovering some sort of magical Rosetta stone. Like I’m finally getting to have conversations with my body that we both comprehend. And my body is probably so relieved.
Anyway, I’ve lost about 20 pounds by doing nothing but this, really. Learning what hunger really is. And what it’s not. I’m grateful for that.
design + surrender 